[Chorus:] She’s gonna break soon Gonna break soon Gonna break soon She’s gonna break soon Gonna break soon Gonna break soon With so many problems in her life it just comes as no surprise She’s gonna break soon Gonna break soon She’s gonna break Welcome to her busy dizzy life Of going out and getting high And following all the latest trends While shedding all her oldest friends It’s been weeks worth of weekends With fake I.D.s and fake passions of her best friends [Chorus] She’s been thinkin’ wishin’ she could hide From the girls with the comments passing by It’s the boys in bars on Friday night That replace the emptiness inside She’ll be spending her whole weekend Faking laughs and faking smiles with her fake friends [Chorus] Promises you made back home Are crumpled like the goodbye notes And last night’s dirty clothes Were on the floor next to the phone And it’s been disconnected months ago No calls from your friends back home You lost your point of view and now It’s got the best of got the best of got the best of you [Chorus]
I’ve been down sizing my life. Greatly. Starting by getting rid of all this crap I’ve accumulated in recent years.
I gave away my prom dresses, all three, and my other formal wear. Like I’ll ever fit into that shiznit ever again. Ha. And then I Threw away all my trash, and broken things, and things that I just can’t give to Good Will. My room is far from empty but still it helps a lot. I mean, I can’t get rid of my doll house…it has far too much sentimental value, I don’t care how childish it is. I didn’t even get it when I was a child. I was a full fleged teen. And the stuff in it must have cost a small fortune. And the chairs…they exactly match the ones that I grew up with in the kitchen.
While doing this stuff…I came across this old suit case, under my bed, next to my typewriter. Inside are years and years of journals. From 2000 to 2004 maybe. I used to write a lot. It brought back my memories of THE ADAMS. My Dad told me tonight that I should have dated Adam Hudson, and I didn’t deny it. I wanted nothing more for four years, excepting the small 6 months with Adam and 9 months with Turd- I mean Ty.
I found old lover letters from Adam, my first love. And I read them. And then I felt sad. I missed out on the college experience. I’m old now. I’ll never know what he felt. I’ll never know. I really want to be drunk right now, and I’m not sure what that’s about except that I spent most of that relation ship, and most definantly the 6 months afterwars drunk off my ass. It was the thing to do when I was 15-16. And it was so freaking bad that I still don’t drink to this day. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs with the exception of prescriptions and caffeine.
I used to write all the time. I used to come home from school and write. However, this blog is really about other people…updating other people on my life. Well guys, not much is really going on with my life. I’m depressed. I don’t know where I’m going to transfer to, I don’t have a clue what I want to do when I grow up, and all I really know is that I DO NOT want to go to the Art Institute. I’m basically a failure. I’ve dropped out of school, but SHHHHHsh. Don’t tell anyone. It was because of my sugery, my car accident, my pain and suffering, doctors visits, blah. Because I’m a lazy slumbitch. Really.
Sabra said,
May 1, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Hi! I’ve seen your stuff on youtube and I certainly don’t think you’re a failure. I mean, to have all those people visiting your profile and having all those subscribers, you must be doing something right! That’s not being a failure. Maybe your calling in life is something else, something unconventional and non-traditional.
I hope you’re OK and doing well health-wise. At least you still have your health to be blogging. I find it great to be organising my thoughts on notebooks as I have so many starting from grade school, which is why I don’t blog online. Maybe you should try doing something out of the normal routine which I find, helps me get out of downward slumps.
oysterblues said,
May 1, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I recognize your email, but I’m not 100% who you are.
I just threw away a bunch of my notebook journals that I had. The oldest one was from 2000. I understand the thought organization and I really like getting things out of my head and onto paper (I’m also addicted to paper, cute paper and notebooks lol).
I don’t know what to do? I’m hoping to get a new job for the summer, I hope that will help because then I’ll be rid of my dead weight job.
Thanks for reading that taking the time for such a nice response!
Sabra said,
May 2, 2008 at 11:10 am
As much as I want to do so, I’ve never thrown away any of my old journals. They remind me of how far I’ve come in life. They make me laugh. And they make me cry. The journals are all precious memories to me. Someday, I might condense them all to a book format.
I like stationary too! The cute paper ones and the dark themed notebooks are my favorites. My current notebook is that plain black and white one that we used in English Comp back in college. My head was all loopy from a bad relationship that ended recently and I was shopping at Target and just needed something to write on. I wrote some thoughts as soon as I got to my car!
Anyway, I’m Victoria. I work on the opposite end / shift of “Mr. Morally Corrupted” himself. :p He’s told some of us day staff of his blog and we all think he’s an evil little man.LOL!
octobernights said,
May 5, 2008 at 8:17 pm
It must feel really great to have given all your old stuff away! I love feeling “lighter” after a big clean-out like that, but deciding what needs to go can be very exhausting…
As for school and figuring out life, you’re not alone lol. I haven’t dropped out and don’t plan to, but I am struggling to find options after I get my degree and have been since one of the few people I look up to, who is my veterinarian, told me I would probably get rejected from vet school and that I should plan to enter another career path. Talk about depression… But I think we’ll both figure it out in time. Until then, just do what feels right. <3